Hit Parader

October 2019

by Mary Gainsborough

It’s been well over 30 years since singer Mickey Turner has had any songs appear on Billboards music charts. Once a well-marketed 80’s icon, Mickey's career dive was just as fast as his rise due to the typical struggles a new artist undergoes when fame enters the picture. Mickey's personal life and troubles on and off the stage were ultimately what contributed to the fade from the spotlight according to fans and critics, but many will also say that it is these same antics that also strangely made him more memorable to the public than his actual music. Not many people know any of his songs beyond 1985’s hit ‘Hit Single” but they do remember the rocker guy who was drunk lipsyncing poorly to one of his songs on a kids tv show, peeing his pants on camera, and kicking a puppet before they cut to commercial. Youtube has made sure to lock that into history. No one remembers his ballad ‘Girl” where his signature cue of a guitar solo with “guitar” is sung, but many remember the old show Fire Falcon and the cheesy theme song sung by Turner himself. Ever hear his song “You’re So Rad?” A song once heard at every school prom? No? But you’ve seen the random TV show he once guest-hosted called Order in the Food Court about combining foods and ingredients from different fast food places in a mall food court to make a gourmet meal for 1. You know the guy dressed as a judge holding a gavel who says “I’ll be the judge of that meal.” That guy. That's’ Mickey not Macho Man Randy Savage. With most music people have a strong love or hate stance. With Mickey, there is no love or hate - there is only love or mock. Most mock him. But the ones who love Mickey and his music are a loyal few and they fascinate me.

If you’re a loyal Hit Parader metal fan you may have read this far and thought- why should I care about this guy? Well, you shouldn’t if all you want to read about is heavy metal. But a lot can be learned from an artist's climb to popularity and a lot can be learned from the decline. Mickey’s career from punk to adult contemporary, to pop, to rock, to alternative, and even mixing in some rap, has carved quite a journey in music and this journey has always intrigued me as a writer. At least enough to ask “Whatever happened to that guy? Where is Mickey Turner now?”

The classic question usually gets answered with a quick Google search— but not with Mickey.

The only way I could get a hold of Mickey Turner was by stumbling across his one and only fan site run by a guy named Jimmy who quickly got back to me after a DM on the corresponding Instagram account. Jimmy, a lifelong superfan, claims to be in touch with Mickey on a personal level “from time to time” so requesting an interview with him was worth a shot.

Would Mickey even want to speak to me? He’s had a rough go at things, over the past 20 years often the butt of jokes appearing in a few commercials that actually mocked him. It seems his many cartoon PSA’s in the ’80s about “when you’re LEFT with a choice, always make the RIGHT one” seemed to not be something he took to heart later during his multiple arrests. “Beam the dream”, the PSA’s closing shout never seemed to help him in the videos appearing online of him publicly urinating on reporters from a balcony yelling “check out my live stream” . Would he want to talk to another reporter? The enemy? His biggest reason to never do a google search? Sure enough, Jimmy told me Mickey, who only has a flip phone, would meet me there.

When I walked in Mickey was sitting in a booth with another gentleman who introduces himself to me as Cass. I greet them and Mickey says to sit down while he and Cass wrap up their conversation.

“I’ve known Cass for 25 years. He’s taken the best shots of me. “

Best shots? Cass is a paparazzi who seems to have struck up a friendship with Mickey.

“Cass took about 75% of my arrest shots on the street. Some good ones too. He got the good angles. We had a deal where he’d give me 10% of his commission if I told him where I was going to be when I messed up to get the shot. Dancing on a bar table or getting thrown out of a Cracker Barrel, Cass was usually there waiting. “

A waitress brings Cass a sandwich on a plate. Rainbow bread signifies the famous LG-BLT.

“It’s why i come here. Best sandwich on the planet. Can I get this in a to-go container?” Cass holds up his camera and nods to having to leave. “Biebers on a boat!” He says raising his camera with a smile seeing his way out.

“He always says that when he has to leave,” Mickey says waving. I ask if I can record our conversation on my phone.

Mickey nods, “Sure I guess.” and takes a fast tossed back to drink from a small flavored creamer container like it’s a shot of whisky. Fast and down the hatch. He returns the small empty Hazelnut container to the table with the pile of 7 or 8 already downed creamers. There’s also smoke. A cigarette? No, He also holds a lit piece of palo santo between his fingers like a cigar, gently blowing on the end to release an incense smelling smoke. He still has his cut off tube socks, sunglasses, but I can see the eyeliner still there. Hair greying, he’s been through a lot but hides it well with the familiar get-up he once wore in the 80s/. No more jacket (maybe he gave it to Jimmy who wears one like it) but the hat, glasses, and tube socks are there. Punctuated by a belly and raspy drawl of an accent I can't quite point out.

He seems eager to start so I waste no more time.

Your accent is hard to point out. Where are you from?

I’m from Glasgow, but I lived in the US for a long time. My dad was a doctor in Beverly hills but he kicked me out when I was 13. So I lived in Huntington Beach for most of my teens. Picked up a bunch of accents from touring the states  –like New York, Texas and Ohio. I knew an Amish guy in Ohio who secretly worked the night shift at Hardees two towns over to make extra money. We’d always talk music and movies and stuff when I was there filming the P.O.W. scenes for Fire Falcon. I picked up a lot of how I say my r’s from him cause he loved saying “word to yer mother” a lot. He was into MC Hammer and Bel Biv Devoe and just kept saying, Ah word. Word up.  Australia too. I picked up the word “dodgy” from Australia.  Looove ‘dodgy’.

How did you get started in music?

Man, I never started in music. Like, music started in me you know? I know that’s deep but think about it like this:  There was never a comeback…. so, don’t ever call it some kind of comeback because… like I’ve been around it for years you know. L.L. Cool J said that you know? 

Something like that.  Well, I guess what I’m asking is, when did you first start singing?

I remember high school,  I walked into a basement in Huntington Beach back in 82 to watch my friend’s band Courtesy Flush practice. The staircase was super dodgy, steep and it was all smokey and dark and smelled like beef jerky you know. The only light came from some disco light they got at Radio Shack. The one that spins from the heat of the light bulb? Like physics, you know?  I used to stare at that thing.  Anyway, I go down these basement steps and see my 2 friends yelling at each other about what kind of stripes were on my buddi’s spandex. They looked like zebra stripes to me but he said they were white tiger stripes.  I remember he was yelling like “you think id be that cruel to wear zebra stripes? They’re white tiger stripes man!! White tiger!!” -or something like that. It almost went to punches with my friend grabbing a beer bottle to break it over his head-- so I -uh like- distracted them by getting them to play music real quick and you know… take it out on the ax you know, or something.  But that’s when I realized why they were really angry. Their lead singer was completely blitzed---  laying there pissing his pants mumbling.  So I see he’s Laying there but with his hot girlfriend still sitting on his lap. His hot, sober girlfriend,  who was eyeing ME.  Kelly. I still remember her name. Anyway- to get them to focus on playing music  I told them I’d sing---you know just to get them going.

Had you ever sang for anyone before?

 No, I didn’t know what I’d do—id never really done it for anyone but myself.    I just grabbed the microphone that immediately shocked my lips because it wasn’t grounded.  Electricity hitting my mouth feeling every cavity filling being pulled out of my mouth.  So I took my sock off my foot and put it over the mic so I wouldn’t get shocked.  They stopped fighting and started playing some riffs,  some song by the uh… I think the kinks or something—but I didn’t know the lyrics. So I just kept saying “water-melon-pizza-pie” over and over and it fit man, and they dug it. And I was like—whoa this sounds good.  I like this. I like this a lot.  I loved the energy. I loved the feeling of the bass cabinet blasting every note through my chest. And losing my hearing from the symbols. I dug it. Kelly dug it too.  We locked eyes. It was like passing of the torch. I never had girls look at me like that. Something about holding that sock-covered mic saying watermelon pizza pie drove the ladies mad and I was in. That’s when I realized I needed to do this forever.  But with better microphones.

So you became the new singer of Courtesy Flush?

Well, we changed the name to Up2Code. We were ahead of our time because the internet hadn’t come out yet like with coding and stuff plus a bunch of 90’s r&B bands started using numbers in their names. We broke up after a few months though cause Gary and Brian just couldn’t get it together and it was Gary’s house and gear. His dad was rich. So That’s when Brian and I started a new band -- Mickey Turner and the Man.

Which was a brilliant name for the band given the members.

What do you mean?

Well half the members were female. Sisters Susie Lack on Bass and Haven on drums. Eventually, Marsha played lead guitar when Brian went into the military. You were the only male in the group.  Mickey Turner and the Man

Oh….yeah.  oh…..you’re right. Right on.

Were you ok doing punk styles?

Sort of. I just liked the energy. We mostly did covers. Wrote a few of our own.  One song was called ALFA-BET and I wanted to use every word in the alphabet as the lyrics. I ended up singing The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog. Those are all of the letters of the alphabet forming a sentence. Later font companies and stole it from me to showcase their fonts cause they could show all the letters. At least that’s what our record label graphic designer told me that font company took the idea.

You were maybe ahead of your time. What was that song about?

I think It was about the system.  

The system?

Yeah like the system and how the system brings you down and stuff. I also like writing about going the distance. That whole thing.

When did you get signed?

We got signed in 83 and recorded a 10 song album but the label sat on it wanting to see what was going to be happening in pop music. Trying to figure out where to put us. Radio stations were playing a lot of Van Halen but also Air Supply and Genesis. Someone wanted us to dress all in black and breathe fire and make it a show so there was talk of that. I wasn’t about that man at least not yet.  Someone told me that guy went on to help KISS.  But we were signed and happy and the label owner Colonel Lombard really liked us. Thought we could go far.

And then the airplane accident.

 Yeah.

Marsha, Susie and Haven -- all 3 killed in an airline accident.

  Yeah….. terrible.   Peanut allergies. who knew?  

All 3 choked to death on a flight to Montana to see family. Why all of the lawsuits?

I think Colonel Lombard thought he could get money from both the peanut company and the airline but he lost. I think he even tried to take Skymall magazine to court saying they may have gotten excited about something sold in it, like a giant throne made of deer horns or something and that excitement distracted them from their snacks. He lost all of them. And the money unfortunately that went into the court cases I had to pay back. It was part of recouping I think. But since the album with the girls never came out, some of that had to be paid back with that other project I did Slayed Rabel. I think this is what kind of made airlines start serving pretzels instead. Or i think they should put some kind of antibody in ginger ale to help offset the allergy. That was my idea that they didn’t use.

So after that tragic loss, what were you thinking you would do? 

I did Slayed Rabel but that sucked. Wasn’t me and I couldn’t compete with Air Supply. I still wanted to do music and sing, I just didn’t have a band.  That’s when Colonel Lombard told me I could be a solo act and introduced me to Steely Young.

The writer.

The co-writer. I helped write a lot.

Colonel Lombard also started managing you personally instead of just overseeing records. Some say it was insensitive to the death of your band to go solo with a high powered manager.

Listen, what happened to the band was an accident but like we all have to keep going. Life doesn’t wait for you to go into a room and have a cry. I didn’t have anything to go back to. My dad was still a doctor in Beverly Hills and I was still couch hopping in Huntington and Lombard was like…my dad.  He took me in. He believed in me and didn’t want to waste any talent either.  And I liked singing. Michael Jackson was huge at the time. He had a glove. One day Lombard sees me wearing my cut-off tube socks on my hands to keep warm and he’s like—that’s it. That’s your thing. And we started dreaming ever since about what it meant to go solo and be …like a legendary artist. It was the first step to getting a star on the Hollywood walk of fame and a Grammy or so he said. And I wasn’t gonna stop that. I was super sad to lose those girls. I loved them a lot. But like…. I couldn’t stop. So when he wanted to manage me and help me be huge I was like…word up. Word to your mother man. Let’s do this.

You began writing with Steely Young?

We went away to some house in Joshua Tree or something and wrote a bunch of songs to the music he had already created. Hit single was my idea and a lot of my lyrics. I just like blunt no-nonsense lyrics. When I meet a girl I’m straight up. I’m just like, girl I like your face. Ok? You’re a piece of art! How about If I am your frame and we hang on a wall and I stare at every inch of you for years. You know? That’s poetry. 

If you’re the frame and she’s the art then how do you look at her for years as an art observer?

Well, you know… I’m a part of the art and observing from within..us. It’s super deep if you think about it. Went over everyone’s heads obviously. I mean it WAS the 80’s. (he swigs another flavored creamer)

Speaking of Hit Single, the song remained at the top of the charts for 6 weeks in the summer of 85.  What was that like for you?

Best time of my life honestly. I was on top of the world. Finally, people could see or hear what I was capable of. Next thing you know I’m doing world tours, cartoons and shirts and stickers and commercials and movies, the whole thing. Getting arrested a few times helped pave the way for doing those cartoon me PSA’s about staying off of drugs and not urinating on other people’s property. It all works out. Beam the dream you know?

But you weren’t really making a lot of money from all of that were you?

I was. Maybe not a ton! But I was living with Colonel Lombard and his family at their estate in Beverly Hills…look,  I wasn’t exactly home a lot. I was always touring ….He just told me the money from it all was being reinvested in my future and I trusted him. I mean I was traveling, on tv shows, filming videos had the best girls anytime I wanted and any drug or medication…for like.. headaches that I wanted. It was amazing. No regrets.

Your sophomore album Heat Zone, didn’t quite have as much success. Why do you think that is?

Well, I wanted to get a little bit heavier. You know I did the Fire Falcon theme and movie and I liked that a lot., I liked being the badass. They killed me off of that film which I disagreed with. I thought I had more to prove ther’re in the story like maybe going back to save Remy from the Vietcong. In fact every show I guest appeared on I ended up dying off the show for some reason.  I think I just got frustrated at that. I felt like people weren’t taking me seriously. So I got a bit angry and wanted to maybe do heavier rock stuff to prove something. Some kind of edge.

How did you handle the low radio play and bad reviews of heat Zone?  and attack on your lyrics? One reporter from BAM MUSIC said, “Mickey Turners lyrics in Fire Falcon reflect motivation you’d use to get a 10 year old to do their chores.”

Like what does that even mean? You know? They write garbage like that then attack my writing? What does pop music have to do with chores?  I mean, face! (holds up hand)

So you were ok with the bad press.

I didn’t’ care. I had Diane, I had parties, I had shows…. It was like people outside of your family wishing they were inside with you. But they’re not. They’re outside. Where it’s not fun. They were weird people.

*Mickeys’s romance with Diane Lane has been long disputed by the actress and many close to her. Many, even Mickey’s friends, say it was something Mickey wanted but never saw materialize. Mickey did have a confirmed altercation with Bon Jovi in 1986 in Hollywood at the Rainbow Room that was rumored to have had something to do with his affection for her. But there have been no confirmations of any romance.

How did the label take the bad press?

Mr. Lombard didn’t care. Or at least he didn’t tell me. He always saw that it would be a marathon, not a sprint.

Steely took the bad press hard.

He blamed you?

He felt it hurt his career. But….like Lombard said to me once-- Lenny didn’t have a career until I came along.  He like…owes me. He has a nice house because of my albums going number one. He tried to sue me back in….uhm… when did the second Cranberries album come out? I don’t know— around then— he tried to sue me. I said man take what you want. I’m not held down by money like you. Maybe fame, but not money. Money and credit. He always wanted credit for everything even the tambourine. He played the tambo once and I think it even got lost in the mix and he was like giving himself points and credit. He was obsessed with it. the guy would cough in the room and wanted credit for coughing.

So you went more dark rock with Heat Zone. You taking more of the reigns of lyric writing. Written from a dark place. Angry music?

No we went more…not so much angry, just…  kick-ass fun party rock. You know… this was the Heat Zone. Heat Zone was about getting hot, in the zone. Zones were heating up as they say. Not sure who says that but you know what I mean.

I met Gash on the Love Hurricane tour in Hershey, Pennsylvania, and we just partied every night drinking beer that smelled like chocolate.  He wore white tiger spandex too and didn’t even blink. He was like, yeah they’re white tiger, and if you have a problem with that get the hell out and then break a bottle over his head you know. That was Gash. Dude smoked two cigarettes one out each side of his mouth and sometimes in his nose. He was nuts. He was rock and roll.

His prior arrests and reputation for sexual misconduct didn’t bother you?

He had a thing for paraplegic school teachers for some reason. I think it was from abuse or something but he had a thing and it got him arrested for stalking that one librarian but so what. We all make mistakes. I think he took it out in his music. He played hard man. He ripped.  That’s why---when we did Heat Zone, I was like—dude just come in and play whatever you want over this. And he did.  Amazing stuff.  Steely hated it because it cut into his share on the songs I guess. That’s when he called it quits and I took full writing, wrote everything for the Live Album.

The Live Album. Tell me about how that came about.

Well, Heat Zone didn’t do so well and I like had some big turnaround in my life. I wanted to do something meaningful so I started writing from the heart. I wanted to inspire people to live. So that’s why I called it the live album.

You had resistance from the label?

Tons. They were like people are going to think it’s a live album like live concert and I was like—it’s art- it is what they want it to be. If they want to pronounce it live then let them—but it’s live, like go live your life. The live album.  So I holed up with Wayne the producer and we made the great album that nobody liked.   Like no response from the radio. They wouldn’t play it, no tours. Everything fell apart.  And I’m all angry about it and that’s when I got the news about Steely dying from his plane accident.

Kind of ironic right?

Well, no cause his plane actually crashed. It wasn’t an allergy.  So it’s different.  I mean he might have had allergies. To shellfish or something.

Of course.  So when you heard about his death, you had just finished the Live album. It was released and you feel with how poor the album did ..what did that do to you?

I’ll put it to you like this. Tell me if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.  I went to Steely’s funeral. I grabbed a plate of dip and crackers and veggies and made my way to a seat or pew in the memorial and sat down and like… the family his wife and kids all got so upset I was there.  I thought maybe I had taken too many chips and people were upset but they were really good, with lime. But they started yelling “who told you you could come here. Everyone started looking at me like I was this evil person.  “He wouldn’t want you here Mickey.” And all this crazy stuff.  One of his sons took the plate of food from me and grabbed my arm.

Why?  

Probably mad and still think Steely didn’t make enough money from my songs. They hated me like I was some…..  but you know… he was my friend. I loved Steely.  Maybe he was jealous and wanted to be more famous too. But he looked like Yoda so that wouldn’t have worked out and I told him that. We were a great team—him behind the scenes and me in front of the scenes. The face. But they kicked me out. Kicked me out of my own friend and co-writers’ funeral.

I was so upset I went and…sort of had a go at things. Ended up in jail a few times.

A few times.

 Well… Many times.

Would you say this was the start of the decline?

Not sure I’d say decline but this certainly didn’t help me get a star on Hollywood Blvd. Man I was totally checked out. My manager got me doing weird stuff too.

This is Brock, Colonel Lombards son.

Yeah he took over things when Lombard died in 93 I want to say . That was tough too cause he was like 23. Not his dad.  I mean Lombard was more my dad then my dad. I mean my dad left me something when he died, something from his medical practice that is worth a lot of money. He told me to keep it handy and sell it anytime I needed money and I haven’t cause I don’t need money but maybe I will someday who knows.  But that was it. Lombard took me in. His gift to me was years of support and ….. So Brock takes over and I’ve known Brock his whole life, he’s like my brother but….  he doesn’t know me…  like his dad did.

What kinds of things does Brock do for you now?

Brock had me doing those shows like, are you smarter than a five-year-old celebrity edition.

Which you got kicked off of.

Well the other celebrity dude told me they like it when you do things that are unexpected.  I was losing a stack the cups challenge to literally  -- this five-year-old kid who made fun of my eyeliner by the way….. so I jumped on the table and knocked all the cups over and dumped the tables screaming bloody murder.  Might have punched a stagehand.  Scared the kids pretty bad but I’d like to see one them do that better.

You were intoxicated.

I was medicated. That didn’t work out and of course, it’s all over the media.  I’m this bad dude who peed his pants on tv with some kids scarring them for life or some crap. I couldn’t do anything right and I just sort of became this joke to people. So probably one of the 8th or 9th times I was picking up trash along the 5 south, I decided to really clean up my act and get things in order. And I realized ..I wasn’t making my own choices. Other people were. Other people were Mickey Turners voice and I was going to take that back. So I started writing again to maybe do a comeback album…except It’s not called a comeback cause like, I’ve been around for a bunch of years you know.

There’s LL Cool J again.

Exactly. Hip hop has played a huge role in where I”m going now. I even started wearing my tube socks backward. I’ve done a ton of experimenting and changing. I changed emotionally, artistically, and spiritually. A huge awakening. I even was talking to my friends …. And I was like, hey I don’t’ drink, don’t smoke, and don’t cuss anymore and if you have a problem with that… you know.. you can kiss my ass. You know? I can say ass, it’s in the bible it means donkey.  So is hell.

So the response was negative.

And damn. Damn is in there too. I can say damn.

The response was negative?

I don’t think anyone cared really. But I did. It was a huge first step into me doing what I wanted.  You know Brock tells me where to go,  what to do. You know. He does a lot for me. He even got my music in a video game. That’s where things are now—video games.

You’re referring to the game Get Your Spit Together. The app game where you have to move a plate of food out of the way from a person opposite of you talking and spitting food particles out. You move your plate to avoid the spit.

Yeah, it’s not the best game…I mean it’s no assassin creeds but its something.  Anyway, I want to make my own choices and I said I’m doing this and so far so good I guess. I mean I’m not sure how many downloads there’ve been but…

You mentioned you are trying to make a comeback, how’s that going?

Well, I’m trying to figure that out. I have some songs and Brock is going to listen to what I’m doing and we’ll see if a label wants to pick me up again. We’ll see. I’m super excited though.

You were in some films too , tv shows back then, any chance for an acting revival too?

Yeah I’d love to. I always wanted to do an action show or movie again. I always wanted to stand on top of a burning car and yell at a helicopter with its lights on my, wind blowing my camouflage and I’m yelling like ’Noooooo! Or Freedom!! Or something. That’d be fun. We’ll see.

Part of your clean up lately has been attending a support group for musicians called the One Hit Wonderfuls. Tell me more about that.

Oh yeah. It’s just this group I go to sometimes. Some cool people. They all had hits at one point and are trying to figure things out. Like what happened or what’s next you know.  It’s lead by this guy Buck who used to do country, he had that song Future Trucker in the ’90s. Some other people in there who had some good songs back then too. But I technically had 3 hits so I only go for the hang. It’s cool.

 Why do you see a need for a group like that?

Well, i don’t NEED them but it’s cool to go. We talk about our life now and from then…look it’s tough to be alone at the top one part of your life then alone at the bottom the next. People hold you to the one thing you’ve done 20 years ago but like, we’ve done more than that. Not just that one thing. But if we want to pay our rent we do that one thing that everyone loves, but DON’T sway from that one thing. No one wants that. No one wants you to be you they want THAT you. So what do you do? We talk about that stuff. And we eat a lot of those tiny powder sugar-frosted doughnuts. When I first brought them I was eating them and everyone thought I was doing cocaine cause I had powdered sugar on my nose and lip. Didn’t start things off well with the group. It’s a good group. We are talking about doing a project together even though Buck says that breaks the rules- no working together. But even he is excited about it.

We are going to do a song called ‘Lotion Across the Ocean” and give the proceeds of the single to sending sunscreen to kids in Africa. So it’s a group of talented people just wondering what’s next you know? But now we’re gonna do what we do but for the benefit of others which feels good.

Oh hey, I gotta go. is it ok if you take care of the creamers?

Oh yeah. Sure. Bieber’s on a boat?

Bieber’s on a boat!

Amazing. Thanks for your time!

Thank you.